In middle and high school today, encountering diversity is inevitable; however, teen girls take being different to a whole other level. Throughout my years of being bullied, it was girls who targeted me and made life miserable.
I had to face the facts early: girls are mean, and anything you say will be used against you in class and in the halls. As an outsider looking in, it may be hard for you to empathize with those who hurt me to the core; but I know that in high school, I would have done anything to trade places with those girls who strutted down the locker-filled halls, flipping their hair and glaring at everyone who passed by—just like a scene from a teen chick-flick.
You can get wrapped up into drama and caught up in the wrong crowd for many different reasons, whether you’re trying to fit in, to ignore being the target, or to make yourself better. In my early teen years, I started associating with people who dragged me down morally and eventually helped me get to what has been the lowest point in my life so far. Though my parents warned me and tried to dictate with whom I did and didn’t hang out, eventually they had to throw up their hands and let me learn from my own decisions.
Realizing you’re involved in a toxic friendship is easy, but letting go is more difficult than most people make it sound. When a questionable relationship starts to affect other aspects of your life, you know it’s time to let it go. If another person’s decisions or actions are compromising your morals and values, you must break away.
Throughout what I tend to call my “scream-emo phase,” I befriended and got wrapped up with the wrong group of people, who made decisions I would never make; but because I associated with them, I was seen as one of them—a stoner. I dyed my hair, ruined the trust with my parents, and chose to involve myself in situations that contradicted the morals and standards I claimed were mine. When I finally reached the bottom and became too insane for me to handle, I began to realize that when I was away from those people, I acted the way I wanted to, not the way I thought I was supposed to act in order to be “cool.” I hurt many people I cared about, and to this day I still have regrets about how I handled certain situations and the rebuilding of relationships I truly cared about. Because I was involved in toxic relationships, I made decisions that I can’t take back. Looking at those choices now, I can’t help but ask, “Why did I do that?” or “What would my life have been like if I had picked better friends?” I often wish I could have been a better example.
God puts people in our lives, but it’s our choice which ones we allow to become our friends and which ones remain acquaintances. We don’t have to harbor bad feelings toward people who have different values; we just have to question whether or not they would be healthy friends.
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A native of Camas, Washington, 17-year-old Katelynne Cox enjoys singing, soccer, fishing, and hanging out with her five younger siblings. Learn more about One Girl, her national debut album on Red Hammer Records, at www.katelynnecox.com. Listen to her new single "You and Me." And don't miss Katelynne's interview about bullying coming up in the March/April 2012 issue of devozine.
